Good things come to those who wait…

I have been thinking lately about where my life was a year ago and I can’t believe how far I’ve come. I was struggling in many different ways. Mainly struggling with the direction I wanted my life to go and what I wanted out of my life. 

My job was very stressful and I was losing confidence in myself as a teacher. I loved my kids but going to work everyday was a storm of stress just waiting to form. There were days that I left school right at 3:15, and I had never done that. I always stay, work on things, and tutor kids. I knew I wasn’t being the best educator I could, but I couldn’t bear the overwhelming duties put on me. I started to wonder if teaching was going to be worth it if it was that difficult. I knew something needed to change and I began looking for another teaching job. 

God works in the most amazing ways and opened up an opportunity working for another inner city Catholic school. Holy Cross is a part of the 6 academy “district” that I work for and the principal that I worked for in my first two years at SASR was the new principal. She had an opening and offered me a position to teacher Math and Religion to 6, 7, and 8th grade. My favorite subjects to teach and my favorite grades to teach. Good things come to those who wait…

The bad thing about leaving SASR was leaving the 5 kids that I would have taught for 8th grade. These students were in the class that always missed having me as a homeroom teacher because I moved up with the same class all 3 years. I had been teaching them since their 5th grade year. 

With the bad economic times and me deciding to leave SASR, the director of the 6 schools decided to close the middle school there. Now my students would need to find a place to finish for their 8th grade year. Well… 15 minutes down the road lies a great school with a brand new teacher that would LOVE to take them in! I got to bring my 5 kids over to Holy Cross when I made the switch. I got the best of both worlds… new environment more my style and my students that had become part of my family for the last 3 years. Good things come to those who wait…

This time last year I continued to deal with the end of my relationship/engagement. I was dating around, feeling better about moving on, but still struggling to find someone who I truly connected with. There have been many ups and downs in this past year, but I have learned so much about myself and what I truly need in someone. I was in no hurry however, and was enjoying my life.

I was coaching volleyball at Scecina and loving the job. I met a lot of great people while coaching, including my good friend Sarah who coached the freshman team. This past summer she invited me to a 4th of July party to meet “Cowboy” –  her good friend from college. I was excited to go to the party and enjoy myself with good friends and new people. I walked into the party and I was immediately greeted by Sarah and “Cowboy” who introduced himself to me as Tyler. 

I can’t even begin to try and convey in words how amazing my life has been since I met Ty. I did not believe that men like him existed. I’ll spare you all the mushy details, but I am experiencing a love that I have never felt before. He couldn’t make me feel more amazing about myself and he makes me a better person. Great things come to those who wait…

I have had several discussions with people lately that are going through very rough times. Some of them believe that there is no light at the end of their tunnel. Believe me, this time last year I felt like the good times in my life were over. I had little hope about a truly happy future. My faith pulled me through and God has blessed my life in ways I will forever be grateful. 

 Tyler listens to Christian music like I do and  found this new song by Kutless.. It’s called “What Faith Can Do.” These words are incredible.

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

You don’t have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That’s what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

After seeing my own transformation this year there is no way that anyone can convince me that good things don’t come to those who wait and who completely trust in God’s will. 

Kutless – What Faith Can Do new release (click here to hear the song!)

 

It’s more than just table manners…

A parishioner from St. Andrew parish (the church attached to my school), that used to go to Saint Andrew/St. Rita, is now working for an etiquette school in Indianapolis. After talking with this woman, the idea sprung up to bring in the owner of an etiquette school to my classroom and teach some things to my 7th and 8th graders. I couldn’t have been more excited. When I heard the word “etiquette” I immediately thought of table manners, which fork is supposed to be used for dinner and which one is for dessert. I thought that my students could absolutely benefit from learning about this, but I had no idea that they would learn a lot about themselves in the process. Mr. Scott has taken the first 40 minutes of my day for the last three weeks, three times a week. Not only has he mentioned table etiquette, but he has reviewed with them the proper way to introduce themselves to others, how to be successful in an interview, and so much more. 

One of the activities he had them complete was an apology letter to someone they have hurt. They struggled with this assignment at first, saying that they couldn’t think of anyone to apologize to. After some discussions with me and with Mr. Scott, they began to see that there may be some people they have wronged in the past that deserve apologies. As I collected the letters at the end of the period, I was shocked to read some of them. One, to my surprise was written to me. One of my students felt the need to apologize to me for their recent attitude and behavior issues. She signed it, “I hope you can forgive me for talking back to you Ms. Luckhaupt, it should have never happened in the first place.” 

There was one in particular that brought me to tears. One of my students is a huge bully and will do anything to get a laugh, including being cruel to other people. There was an incident earlier in the year that really hurt another student. I pulled my “bully” out into the hallway to talk to him. I asked him why he did it, to which he had no answer. I get tired of talking to this student about his behavior because I know he is so much better than what he is portraying. I told him this, and told him that being cruel to others isn’t going to build him up. In fact, it will do the opposite. Being cruel to others will slowly poison him, and leave him hurting worse then those he hurts. My conversation didn’t seem to phase him, which I expected. 

When this “bully” brought me his apology note for Mr. Scott’s assignment and told me to read it, I couldn’t believe it. He had written an apology to the girl he made fun of and told her that she is actually a “pretty cool girl” and he has no idea why he needed to make fun of her.  He told her he would never bring up the subject again and that he wanted her to know that he respects her as a person. He wrote much more then signed it, “The guy that will always be on your side from now on.” 

I gave the letter back to him and told him I was proud of him. I wanted him to give it to the girl and see what kind of response he got. He got nervous and wanted me to give it to her, but I told him it was really important that he gave it to her himself, which he did. The girl came running up to me after class and was in tears over the letter. She couldn’t believe it. That night she wrote one back to him telling him that she forgave him, and thanked him for the letter. There have been no issues between them since. 

We are only halfway through this etiquette class, and I have seen God work through this man and his teachings to my students. He is teaching them about life and God’s love through self-confidence. I can not wait to see their progress the next three weeks. The final is a dinner at a 5 Star restaurant downtown. I am wondering what else they will learn about themselves by then. One thing I know for sure, it will be more than just table manners.

My Yellow Brick Road

As I sit here on a Sunday night, I find myself watching GAC’s Top 20 Country Love Songs. I truly am a sucker for these songs. These artists pour their heart and soul into their songs. These songs range from deep, compassionate, and unconditional love to heart ache. Watching these videos, falling deeper in love with Tim McGraw & Rascal Flatts, I can’t help but think about where I have been and where I am now. I am thinking a lot about how far I have come in my life.

I have dealt with some things that no one should ever have to deal with, however, I feel that I am truly blessed. Throughout my life, every hard time has presented an opportunity to grow closer to Christ. When worse comes to worst, I find myself trusting in God with my entire soul. I have to trust that He will lead me into the direction that I am supposed to go. 

I tend to over analyze, which I have begun to understand is a curse. I try to figure things out before they happen so I can somehow guard my heart or forego pain. (which I understand is an issue, but I somehow can’t bring myself to quit! )

With the hope to over analyze less, I  need patience. In the book of Romans I am reminded, “If we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” Romans 8:25. I have lately needed reminding that God has complete control over my life. I need to be patient for His time, not my time. I can only pray that I am living my life in a way that is pleasing to Him in the meantime.

I have absolutely loved living on my own this year. If someone would have told me how much I would have learned and will continue to learn about myself by living on my own and concentrating on my own happiness, I don’t think I would have believed them. 

These months continue to be the most eye opening experience of my life. I find it to be the most liberating yet the most frightening time to date. I know that I will look back on this time and be thankful for everything that happened. The good and the bad.

This journey continues to have it’s ups and downs and I can’t help but compare it to a theme of a retreat I am helping lead this month at St. Mark. I am working with a great group of teenagers and a great friend on an 8th grade retreat with the Wizard of Oz theme.

What we are going to attempt to get across to these 8th graders is that life, of course represented by the yellow brick road, is not a straight line to the Emerald City. We are focusing on vocation, which is God’s call for you in your life, and that the Emerald City is where your true happiness lies. The Emerald City is not easy to get to, you have flying monkeys, wicked witches, and twists & turns to deter you from putting another foot forward on that road. However, you do have tin men, scarecrows, and lions to pick you up when you fall. They help lead you in the right direction and make the journey bearable.

I am so thankful for the tin men, scarecrows and lions in my life. They continue to help carry me on my road to the Emerald City. I can’t thank them enough.

Faith in things unseen…

It’s been quite a while since I have written. My life, as usual, has been all over the place. However, I haven’t written because I didn’t feel that I had much to share. I was so confused about my life and anything I would write, I felt, wouldn’t benefit anyone who read it. I felt like I wasn’t sure of my own path from day to day.

I recently ended a relationship I was in because I knew it wasn’t right for me. Choosing to be alone isn’t easy. I hate making anyone feel pain on my behalf, so this was very difficult. I realized I would rather be alone then be involved in something was wasn’t right for me. This relationship was a complete gift, and am so happy I had that time. I will look back on these last four months and smile. (and laugh my ass off) I look forward to many more laughs, as friends. This whole experience has made me feel like such a grown up! (which I believe is a good thing…)

Ironically, I am back to where I was this exact time last year. I am filled with excitement and the realization that anything is possible. Tomorrow can bring opportunities that I never dreamed were possible for me. I have faith that things unseen will bring happiness that I never dreamed I would feel. That possibility is enough to keep me going. I am doing the best I can in this crazy thing called adulthood. 

As most of you know, music fuels my life. Strange Cup of Tea by Sister Hazel is a song that fits my mindset pretty well right now. Read these lyrics and download this song! You won’t be sorry.  

Love, 143, and all that good stuff…

Strange Cup of Tea by Sister Hazel

Sometimes I wake with a weary head and
I wonder how I’ll ever get through
Then I think of the things you said
how you told me to my self be true
My faith in things unseen,
My belief that it’ll all work out
May seem like a strange cup of tea,
but if its all right with you than it all 
Right with me 

Oh my feet I walk, with my legs I run
In my arms I’ll hold another day
With my head I think, from my heart I sing
And with my hand to my face I pray 

There’s times I feel with the stains of life 
I could just turn around, turn around walk away 
Then a strength like a beam from above 
lifts me up by the hand and it leads me to say
Good things for good people you see
good things they seem to all work out
May seem like a strange cup of tea but
if its all right with you well then its all right with me 

Oh my feet I walk, with my legs I run
In my arms I’ll hold another day
With my head I think, from my heart I sing
And with my hand to my face I pray 

Getting by ain’t enough for me
I know what I like I like what I see
I’m not only flesh and blood but 
I’m heart and soul I know 

Sometimes I feel at the end of the day
was it worth while or have I settled for less
I sit back and you’re there by my side sincerely you say, 
‘we’re both so blessed’
Count your blessing count them one, two, three 
don’t give up cause it’ll all work out 
It may seem like a strange cup of tea but
if it’s all right with you, it’s just fine with me 

 

Oh my feet I walk, with my legs I run
In my arms I’ll hoild another day
With my head I think, from my heart I sing
And with my hand to my face I pray

Let Go and Let God

I have learned, thus far in my 24 years, that life is filled with moments of complete bliss and moments of complete despair. I recently had one of those moments of complete and utter vulnerability and despair.  Sometimes, for me, I begin to think of something upsetting and I can’t tear my thoughts away. These thoughts kept me up most of the night last night.

 

  I woke up early to get to church (my part time job, preparing all the rooms and unlocking the doors for Sunday school), and still didn’t feel quite myself. I have downtime at my job when everything is running smoothly so I pulled out a Bible and began reading the book of Sirach.

 

I was drawn to Sirach 51: 8 – 12. “But then I remembered the mercies of the Lord, His kindness through ages past; For He saves those who take refuge in Him, and rescues them from every evil. So I raised my voice from the very earth, from my cry. I called out: O Lord, you are my father, you are my champion and my savior; Do not abandon me in time of trouble, in the midst of storms and dangers. I will ever praise your name and be constant in my prayers to you.”

 

 My dad always told me to “Let Go and Let God.” It is in the times where I try to figure out my life, over analyze (one of my vices), and have expectations that everything seems to fall apart. I forget, and need scripture to remind me, that I need to give it all back to God and surrender to His will.

 

 Scripture, mass, and prayer sustain my faith, but another huge part of that faith is music. So of course this passage from Sirach and these thoughts have made me think of many songs. Any other music fans, you need to listen to these songs. My Surrender by Steven Curtis Chapman, Keep Singing by Mercy Me, and Praise you In This Storm by Casting Crowns.

 

 

 

 

 

Who gives you your happiness?

As I sit here and listen to my Christmas music, I am reminded of last years Christmas. Most of the day I spent in tears and wondering how I had arrived in the position I had. It was Christmas time last year that my 5 year relationship and 7 month engagement was coming to an end. I can’t believe it has almost been a year.

Hind sight is 20/20 of course, and having things with Dan break off, was a great blessing.  It takes a great deal more than love to sustain a marriage/engagement and we learned that lesson the hard way. I believe that God has a plan for me and being married to him was not part of His plan. Dan is a great man and I don’t regret a minute that we spent together. Going through what I have gone through has strengthened me in ways I could have never imagined. 

Christmas is my absolute favorite time of the year. Christmas lights, Christmas music (only to be played after Thanksgiving of course! ), family, friends, and that special feeling that Christmas brings make it my favorite. After reflecting on last year, I began to worry that something would ruin my Christmas again. I caught myself thinking, “This Christmas has to be a good Christmas… I don’t know what I will do if I have another bad one.” 

Then I began to think of the people I would need to surround myself with to make my Christmas time special. Not only the people, but the things we would do, the presents that I would buy, etc. Also, what would these people do to make my Christmas special? How would they help me have a good Christmas?

Then something hit me like a ton of bricks. Why am I solely giving other people the power to make me happy? I would catch myself saying, “If so-and-so does this, then I will have a good Christmas!” How messed up is that? 

I am solely responsible for my own happiness. It’s one thing to say that and another thing to believe it. This doesn’t just pertain to Christmas, obviously. On a day to day basis, you should provide your own happiness. Yes, of course other people can be a source of your happiness. However, the trick is, don’t let other people be the source of your UNhappiness. 

I teach my students this concept all the time, but I never stopped to apply it to my own life.

Troi is one of my most opinionated students. She is quite mature for her age. I believe that this maturity was kind of rushed due to the fact that she is responsible for putting her younger brothers and sisters to bed and waking them up in the morning because mom works. Anyway, she has days that she is happy and days that she “has an attitude.” (I put these words in quotes because NO WORDS can truly capture Troi having an attitude )

On the days when she is happy, people will make negative comments to her and she will come tell me. In the same breath she will tell me what was said and then, that she truly doesn’t care. No matter how seviere the comment, she quickly will change the subject and begin to discuss with me the newest craft she is learning and how to do it. On these days she doesn’t let other people affect her emotionally. 

However on the “attitude” days, if someone says something small and insignificant, she is ready to punch them. I asked her what was the difference between days when she wants to fight somebody every 5 minutes and the days when someone will say something and she lets it roll off her back. She struggled with an answer, so I provided a possible solution for her. (I say possible solution because if you straight out tell one of my kids the solution to their problems, they might refute it solely because you gave it as the only answer possible… oh the things you learn while teaching inner city kids)

The solution I offered her was that she LETS other people effect her mood on those “bad days.” I remind her that she is upset for some reason, so she is more sensitive. When one of the other students make a comment, and quite possibly doing it jokingly, she is ready to smack them. But I remind her that on a day when she is in a good mood, that, possibly the same comment, wouldn’t affect her at all. 

I explained this to her, this way, to prove a point. The same comment on two different days can be the difference between a funny joke and a broken nose. Why is that? Who allows those comments to reach her inner core and hurt her feelings? Together we came up with the same answer. Troi. Troi allows those comments to make her upset. I told her to think about that the next time she is a poor mood, and she what she can do with the new knowledge she now has. (Troi is on the left below)

 

This Christmas will be a great Christmas. I have so much to be thankful for and I alone will make this a Christmas to remember. MY happiness depends solely on MYself. 

Who gives you your happiness? I hope the answer is yourself.

143

Thanks to an old childhood friend, I was inspired to start this blog. I never really saw the benefit in them until I began reading some and was inspired.

One of the first lessons I teach my students, along with how to say and spell my last name, is the meaning of 143. To fully teach them how to love one another unconditionally would be a monumental task. I teach them that the philosophy behind “143″ is to love one another as God has loved them. 143 – 1 letter for “I”, 4 letters for “love” and 3 letters for “you”. 

As a teacher, there are times when you don’t know if your students are completely understanding your lessons. I need to pay attention to their behavior and their actions to assess whether or not they understand my lessons. A recent event taught me that my students do understand the true meaning of unconditional love for other people. 

My youth minister from my home parish died on Sunday night. She was like a second mother to me. The Lord took her home much earlier than anyone could have ever expected. Two weeks ago she had some bad stomach cramps and now she is gone. Last week I began to tell my students the severity of her situation and they wanted to make her get well cards. I was touched and they obviously saw how scared I was because I started to get chocked up in front of them. (which I tried so hard to avoid) I didn’t give them much direction because they are so creative and I let them do their own thing. 

I got out the markers, construction paper, and went back to my desk. 5 minutes went by and a student came to ask me to borrow a Bible. I was shocked, but pulled one out to give to her. Then a couple minutes later another student asked me for another Bible. I grew curious and started to walk around the room to see their cards. They were passing the Bibles around to find scripture to put in their cards. Along with the scripture was “143″ everywhere. They don’t know her, never met her, but they were telling her they loved her. I was so touched by their thoughts and prayers depicted on the cards. 

Teaching in the inner city has been such an amazing journey so far. God has led me to these students for a reason. I have seen hundreds of these reasons already, and I can’t wait to see more. There are days that I can’t remember why I signed on to teach inner city kids, but then it takes an event like Ginny (my youth minister) passing away to see Christ working through my students. It is times like these that make it all worth it.